SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
