Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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