I need to stop coming to work sober
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
