He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
