we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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