I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
