Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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