trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
