Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
