She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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