Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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