i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
not ubering you a puppy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
