I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
