My ATM looks so different sober.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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