She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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