I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
