he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
