I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize