Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
