don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
