Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
