Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
