fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
