In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
