I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
