I just pynch a tree in the face
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's like heaven, but drunker
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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