I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize