I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
