I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
