I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Less talking, more tequila
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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