Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
