Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
