So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
