my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
