i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
