I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
