Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
