Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i now understand why vodka
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
