When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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