Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
