just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
