She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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