he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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