I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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