Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
