"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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