I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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