Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
