I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
