You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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