The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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