I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
