the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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