remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
