Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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