If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
