another moral hangover. fuck.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
