Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
