I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
