I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
