Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
