i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
