Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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