Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
