How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
