morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if only i could text you this smell
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
